The days were spent doing studies. After coming home and homework done, came the chores. The chores involved cleaning the house, tending the garden, doing yard work, tending to the horses, dogs, etc. Seemed like hard work back then. Life was difficult it seemed.
Why is it that in the moon light and lately I have thought of it. I have been in the city now for over 15 years. I have a decent enough job, and although I am no longer married, I am currently happy with my social standing. Somehow I am still not fully happy in this lifestyle.
I think about how rich I was back then, and not a penny to my name. At that time I was skinny, but my body was durable, I was strong but not bulky. I was intelligent, but not lazy in the search.
I remember walking into the garden and pulling up a turnip. Walking down the hillside and rinsing it with water. Then taking a big bit out of it. The thought of that time, makes me reflect.
The moon is said to be sarine, and allows the past to meet the present and future. A truly mystic heavenly body, that allows doors of time to merge together. Mentioning the moon, I now have the image of Luna in the dead of winter, as her lucid rays shines upon the snow.
Back then I did not understand the richness of the world, back then I was just a kid wanting to play. Back then I was very hermit like in nature, and very inexperienced in matters of life.
Presently I sit here behind a computer, working and living life as one of the rat race people. You know for the longest time I wanted to be a millionaire, I wanted money and a comfortable lifestyle, a beautiful model type wife that was loyal and honest, and a couple kids to carry on the family name.
My how I miss the times of my roots. I miss the garden, I miss the hay days that my brothers and I used to do. A nice dark golden suntan, a good days worth of work done, and the feeling after doing so much work in a few hours. Walking up mountainous hills and down into the valley to visit friends or exercise, ah those where the days.
Look at me now in the present. I avoid going out, I hardly ever just get out and walk. I have been trying to lately though. I sit and play computer games and watch TV online mostly. I used to play the recorder in school during my times up there, but look at me no, not a single musical instrument.
When a knife is new sharp and shinny it looks,
Years after dull is the blade and dull the looks,
Once the knife is ready the caretaker can sharpen the blade,
Can polish the outside, and with care make the blade more.
As the newer looking blade has been with the caretaker for years.
When should I sharpen the blade, and polish it up. Has it been dulling enough to take a new edge?
Sorry there is reason in all that. Look at a persons life, at some point in time things don't seem as rich as they were when a person was young, around that point a person looks toward sharpening themselves, and polishing themselves.
Most generally see going back to school, and finding or revitalizing a relationship as the way to polish and sharpen. Honestly this may be their path, as long as they are truly happy in doing this and living with that decision.
For me, I have formed a dream, a realistic dream, even though it will take a lot of work, and time to prepare for this feat. Where people want to go back to school, I want to rebuild, revitalize, and cultivate my essence. Not religion per say which some do as a sharpening tool, but a revitalization of the core person I once was, but not loose the Dao this time. Instead of building a new or revitalizing a relationship, I dream of building a monastery of Dao Philosophy, where even though based on philosophy and return to nature, we will still welcome the Daoist priests, Buddhist monks, and Confucian Scholars. We will attempt to cultivate our kindness, and awaken our essence.
That is my sharpening tool. My dreams which were once the lavish life, has been pushed toward the complete opposite, a life of simplicity. A modest job doing hard work, as a monastery will not run itself, especially in winter.
I want to build the gardens back from my childhood, and increase it to include herbs, spices, etc. I want to have a nice cool crisp of air blow over me in the fall, I want to be able to calmly sit and meditate or perform moving meditation.
So until I can build this I can cultivate my being into one that can perform these things, one that can calm himself, and not have the wants as others have. I can build knowledge on building the monastery and providing power through nature, and find ways of survival even in rough times.
That is the reflection, and the current direction the river is pointing too as the moon light comes down.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
@//Sin
It is a strange time in my life. I know the path, I try to walk the path, but since my vacation I have a hard time thinking about much else. I want a person to love me, and to receive my love. How is this a sin, why do I think about such a thing considering what I am doing in my life.
Sin as defined by Webster is an offense against religious or moral law. A transgression of the Law of god.
Could Sin also be a transgression against The Way? Sin however makes us who we are, actions that are deemed sinful, or wrong by others are what issues in life we have chosen to go through to make us who we are, to overcome them, or in some instances enjoy them is how we define ourselves.
Take for example drinking. Not that I accept alcoholics but a moderate amount can't be all that bad can it? Some people are very good caring people when they are buzzed with some Saki. It allows a person to release barriers that they put up, so how can it be a sin if it allows one to care about others so much. Granted many people go overboard but in moderation can something others consider a sin, be a defining moment for a person?
Why this on my page. I think it is suiting to post on my Tao page. I mean a person that tries to walk a path and yet questions things, is this not inside the Reality of the Tao? If we quit questioning does it mean we have accomplished the greatest gift of the Way or does it mean we lost the Way?
We Taoist see things differently that is for sure, but we must also question things to see the beauty and enlightenment in everything. So what is the enlightenment in Sin? What is the function of it, what can we learn from it, and how can we as Taoist define it?
I know the Religious Taoist have the Cannon to define it, but what about the ones who live the philosophy of Tao, but not the Religious portion of the Tao. Can we define it, is sin definitively defined, or can it be defined within one person set of boundaries and personal belief structure?
So how did this stuff come to me. Well I know a woman who is very lovely, and very religious. Christian is the dominant religion in the states, and well she belongs to that religion.
Tao is nothing but conflicts, or should I say balancing conflicts to a middle point. Taking opposites and balancing those opposites. Does a Taoist get upset, if not then they are not balancing things, do they get jealous, or depressed, it is part of the harmony process to feel these things, to balance them into a manageable way and embrace the times you feel this way.
I know many things are sinful in that religion, and I even do some of them. I have tattoo's which depending on your sect of the religion is a sin, I smoke, which in most of the sects is considered wrong, and in some ideas of Tao that might be wrong as well. But Every Taoist knows that the Path is not set for all people but unique to all as the Way for one may not be the Way for another.
What is my Sin? I think I can safely say that my sin is the fact that I have trouble letting people in to know me fully. I let a piece of me out according to my environment, but never walk fully out without some sort of barrier around who I am. I am afraid of getting hurt, I scared on disappointing people that are somewhat close to me. My sin is that I am not myself.
I think my vacation helped me realize this. I realized that even though I am alone in my own little world locked in my own mind, it would be nice to allow a visitor to come walk in my world once and a while. I don't think I ever allowed a visitor there. Not in my entire life.
Is it easy to give up my Sin? If that Sin a person does makes them feel safe how can one give it up easily? I may drink in moderation, I may smoke, but I do not see these as sin in my life. My Way, My Tao does not see it in that light.
I treat people with kindness when I am able. I hold doors for complete strangers and not just pretty females, but all strangers. I wish the very best for people. I also hope that one day people can be gentle with each other and love one another without the politics, religion and self centeredness that is currently killing our world today. I think these are sins of people today. Moral sins.
Thinking of yourself before others, looking for a gain for yourself instead of helping others gain. This is a moral sin. This goes against all religious teachings, and it is also against the general guidance of the Tao.
I am not much of a religious fanatic anymore. In fact I get too much and I shut down. I do hold a high respect of her in her belief. I just like her as her though, but I have no plans to join a religious following again. I want to live my life as a good decent person without the bonds of creative stifling rules. I like questions, in religion though questions are really not truly allowed. Thinking differently from the priests or religious leaders is also not really allowed. If I am going to be a free thinker then I need to live my life according to my own internal Tao.
So back to the issue that brought all this up. I like her, I care deeply about her, however I know that we can not truly be together for the reason of religion. Though I still think it would be nice to have her, to entertain her in my world, without trampling or introducing my sins upon her.
Maybe I have broken the barrier I put up when I was on vacation a little too much, and this is the reason I have become weakened to my thoughts. Thoughts or emotions. I need to find a balance possibly. But I still think it is a good step to want a person to enter the world in my own thoughts, in my own little world that makes me feel safe. Twisted to some, I think if I found the right type of people they may enjoy my world at least for a short visit every now and then.
My Sin, I am a coward when it comes to sharing my true feelings with people. I am afraid of the pain of rejection and so I reject the thought of trying. I reject the thought of spending time with people, and sit alone in my own world, watching others enjoy whatever task it is that they are doing.
I made 1 step in 31 years. I can now admit that I would like company in my world. However it may take 31 more to move to the next step and find a person to accompany me there. A step is a step and I guess I should accept that and not focus on the entire sin as a step to get away from that sin is a step into the right path.
Ah ignore all this. It shouldn't be here on my Tao page. But I guess if I think of such things others may as well. So just view it as a self babble about issues I think of.
Sin as defined by Webster is an offense against religious or moral law. A transgression of the Law of god.
Could Sin also be a transgression against The Way? Sin however makes us who we are, actions that are deemed sinful, or wrong by others are what issues in life we have chosen to go through to make us who we are, to overcome them, or in some instances enjoy them is how we define ourselves.
Take for example drinking. Not that I accept alcoholics but a moderate amount can't be all that bad can it? Some people are very good caring people when they are buzzed with some Saki. It allows a person to release barriers that they put up, so how can it be a sin if it allows one to care about others so much. Granted many people go overboard but in moderation can something others consider a sin, be a defining moment for a person?
Why this on my page. I think it is suiting to post on my Tao page. I mean a person that tries to walk a path and yet questions things, is this not inside the Reality of the Tao? If we quit questioning does it mean we have accomplished the greatest gift of the Way or does it mean we lost the Way?
We Taoist see things differently that is for sure, but we must also question things to see the beauty and enlightenment in everything. So what is the enlightenment in Sin? What is the function of it, what can we learn from it, and how can we as Taoist define it?
I know the Religious Taoist have the Cannon to define it, but what about the ones who live the philosophy of Tao, but not the Religious portion of the Tao. Can we define it, is sin definitively defined, or can it be defined within one person set of boundaries and personal belief structure?
So how did this stuff come to me. Well I know a woman who is very lovely, and very religious. Christian is the dominant religion in the states, and well she belongs to that religion.
Tao is nothing but conflicts, or should I say balancing conflicts to a middle point. Taking opposites and balancing those opposites. Does a Taoist get upset, if not then they are not balancing things, do they get jealous, or depressed, it is part of the harmony process to feel these things, to balance them into a manageable way and embrace the times you feel this way.
I know many things are sinful in that religion, and I even do some of them. I have tattoo's which depending on your sect of the religion is a sin, I smoke, which in most of the sects is considered wrong, and in some ideas of Tao that might be wrong as well. But Every Taoist knows that the Path is not set for all people but unique to all as the Way for one may not be the Way for another.
What is my Sin? I think I can safely say that my sin is the fact that I have trouble letting people in to know me fully. I let a piece of me out according to my environment, but never walk fully out without some sort of barrier around who I am. I am afraid of getting hurt, I scared on disappointing people that are somewhat close to me. My sin is that I am not myself.
I think my vacation helped me realize this. I realized that even though I am alone in my own little world locked in my own mind, it would be nice to allow a visitor to come walk in my world once and a while. I don't think I ever allowed a visitor there. Not in my entire life.
Is it easy to give up my Sin? If that Sin a person does makes them feel safe how can one give it up easily? I may drink in moderation, I may smoke, but I do not see these as sin in my life. My Way, My Tao does not see it in that light.
I treat people with kindness when I am able. I hold doors for complete strangers and not just pretty females, but all strangers. I wish the very best for people. I also hope that one day people can be gentle with each other and love one another without the politics, religion and self centeredness that is currently killing our world today. I think these are sins of people today. Moral sins.
Thinking of yourself before others, looking for a gain for yourself instead of helping others gain. This is a moral sin. This goes against all religious teachings, and it is also against the general guidance of the Tao.
I am not much of a religious fanatic anymore. In fact I get too much and I shut down. I do hold a high respect of her in her belief. I just like her as her though, but I have no plans to join a religious following again. I want to live my life as a good decent person without the bonds of creative stifling rules. I like questions, in religion though questions are really not truly allowed. Thinking differently from the priests or religious leaders is also not really allowed. If I am going to be a free thinker then I need to live my life according to my own internal Tao.
So back to the issue that brought all this up. I like her, I care deeply about her, however I know that we can not truly be together for the reason of religion. Though I still think it would be nice to have her, to entertain her in my world, without trampling or introducing my sins upon her.
Maybe I have broken the barrier I put up when I was on vacation a little too much, and this is the reason I have become weakened to my thoughts. Thoughts or emotions. I need to find a balance possibly. But I still think it is a good step to want a person to enter the world in my own thoughts, in my own little world that makes me feel safe. Twisted to some, I think if I found the right type of people they may enjoy my world at least for a short visit every now and then.
My Sin, I am a coward when it comes to sharing my true feelings with people. I am afraid of the pain of rejection and so I reject the thought of trying. I reject the thought of spending time with people, and sit alone in my own world, watching others enjoy whatever task it is that they are doing.
I made 1 step in 31 years. I can now admit that I would like company in my world. However it may take 31 more to move to the next step and find a person to accompany me there. A step is a step and I guess I should accept that and not focus on the entire sin as a step to get away from that sin is a step into the right path.
Ah ignore all this. It shouldn't be here on my Tao page. But I guess if I think of such things others may as well. So just view it as a self babble about issues I think of.
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