Rough Edges

Sharpen a blade too much and its edge will soon be lost

Fill a house with gold and jade an no one can protect it

Puff yourself with honor and pride and no one can save you from a fall

(__Tao Te Ching__) Lao Tzu

A year has passed and though it seems like I have not done much to strengthen the way I live and walk, it at the same time seems more entangled with the Dao than ever before.

What has Dao shown me? How have I practiced Dao in the last year? A year ago I was back into the occult religions. I was focused on gaining for myself, and although I had a girlfriend I was not happy, I was very destructive to myself. I still have a savings although I am not as obsessed about money as I was, I am once again alone although it is bearable this round, and although I am still a little destructive toward myself it is not as bad as my past attempts of literally destroying my whole being.

A year ago I was obsessed with my Ex-wife, now I only wish her the best she can find. Dao helped me realize that somethings are beyond your control and if you look for the silver lining even a tragedy can open a door to a better outcome. Dao helped me realize the beauty in nature, not as a religious inlet but just for the natural beauty it holds.

Dao has taught me how to live in moderation, and how to sacrifice. With the ability to moderate the food intake, the luxuries, and the toys, I have come very far from the start of my old life. I have started to enjoy the quite and the calm of the mind when meditating, or doing moving meditation. Moving meditation has enhanced movement, muscle growth, and speed.

My temper rarely flares up as much as it used too, and the path has made me accept the fact that my marriage did not work out partly due to my own issues that need worked on. I also finally realized that I should not place blame on her or dislike her for her choice. When one makes a choice others should support that choice not criticize it.

My sleeping patterns have changed, no longer do I wake due to loss of breath, sleep is more restful than in the past yet not as restful as it could be. My wrists hurt less often as they did during those final months before divorce. The body has built mass, but retains the skinny look.

I still have much to do in order to obtain the path fully. I must still not fear desolation and see the abundance in things. Some rough edges still exist, but Dao is not over night and the edges that are still present, they are less harsh and less defined as they once were.

Speech needs to still be tempered, I am still pretty quick to talk at certain instances. Words spoken can be dangerous, but sometimes no words spoken can be just as bad. Times I wish to say more but am unable to.

All things to work on. Silence can be golden, but proper speech can be Jade. A treasure in the language, and a treasure of kindness. Well the block still has it's rough edges but blocks do not turn into masterpieces over night. Once the block is carved, then it will be another long journey to return to the un-carved block.