A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Saying like these never die they span the ages, span space, time, ideology, religion, spans across color and creed as well. For some reason I can't remember things my Grandfather always said, not anymore. Time and current decisions in life has wiped my memory of many things.
Remember when we played in the snow, doing snowball fights, or building huge snowmen. Building little huts out of the snowball. Digging deep to find a sanctuary away from the stinging deathly cold wind during those days.
Falling down in the snow backwards in order to make snow angels. The act of falling without fear of being hurt and no one to catch you, the nice design that it can create when a child. Being told school would be closed and that today was a snow day. A free day to play and run wild in and outside the house.
Remember when I asked you why you loved me, You said because I have a good heart. Funny how things change in time, my heart is still good and kind and yet you are no where to be seen. Remember when you were pregnant with Jeremy and your mother and you had a fight. I was playing D&D on the westside and when I got your call I drove over to comfort you. To console you. I bet you don't even remember these times.
Remember the time we went bowling and we were so in love. Remember how we acted in Math class. You were the first of many things in my life and I love you now to this day. I am happy you found someone, I am happy you have a beautiful little one. But the questions come to mind do you remember the good times or have you forgotten them like so many people out there forgetting good times.
Remember the time when you had asthma attack and I comforted you and got you water? Remember the heart that time, but yet a heart is not what a relationship is about I guess. Spit on me, hate me, say something and not mean it all this is fine, but my heart will never change. My heart has always leaned toward kindness.
A lot of times the good times are replaced with the bad, or the reality is twisted so one can get through it. When you alter reality then the memories are lost. Without the memories how can you remember when...
For want of a nail the horse was lost. For want of a horse the rider was lost. For want of a rider the message was lost. For want of the message the war was lost.
I have been told that I am gifted with the language and how to put the word puzzle in place to make elegance a standard. Yet with gifts come curses. If I am gifted in speech then I am cursed in relationships. If I am gifted in computers, I am cursed in socialising.
In the Tao Te Ching it sates: Seeing your own smallness is called insight. Honoring your own tenderness is called strength.
If you have never realized how small you actually are then I dare you this. Take another look at a child's sleeping face, or a child's sickened face and see how small you are when compared to the angelic purity of a sleeping child, or the fear of death for a child that is sick.
Remember when you allowed your mother to give your son Amoxicilin that was prescribed for her but cut in half? Remember how sick the child became while fighting the overdose? Remember my tears and my pain in my eyes as I sat as a vigil asking every god to bring the child through this? Do remember the heart then?
Remember when we used to go outside and have races around the house to see who was faster, a race. Grandpa used to declare the winner. Remember Grandpa chewing tobacco and sitting around enjoying the spring and summer seasons. Do you remember.
Remember the fight we had about the child, remember seeing my anger then? It was the only time you ever saw it, but loving me for my heart did nothing for my soul. Remember when you walked in the house and complained about your day, I listened and then reminded you how much your boss really did appreciate you? Remember those times.
Contentment alone is enough...
What is happiness but the lack of sadness, what is despair but the lack of hope. One mans trash is another mans treasure... What i have lost others will gain from, however now I have none left to give the heart too, I have not a person to go home to and give this heart to. Remember when you were giving birth and I pushed you past your limits?
So I do not smile enough to show my emotions, so I don't get excited, even less now than in the past. What is a smile but lack of a frown, a frown the wish to smile.Yet I so wish I could get them both down. Am I sad? I suppose. Am I happy, I suppose so.
Great Truth seems false
Great skill seems clumsy
Great eloquence seems like babble
When did I become humble, when did my heart melt, why is it that emotions are estrange to me? I can't remember these times. Time that would be important to remember, times that have the answers may not be the times that one is searching for. The future is minutes away, yet it will never come. Focus on the now, as it is the middle ground between Future and Past.
Truth is I love the women of my life, I still do, I still hold them inside, probably always will. Remember when I had a cold heart? Many will remember this, few will see the kindness I showed in those brief moments of their lives.
A brief moment, how ironic? A memory is but a brief moment in your life. One that makes a mark, one that will shape you. I remember when you came over that first time, I remember laying in your lap safe and free. I remember running my hands through your hair and paying attention to you. I remember kissing in the car when my mother was taking you home.
I remember the day I decided to write. It was a horrible day in my life. We were in art class and you saw me draw the California Raisin free handed but to scale of the card perfectly. You watched and when the instructor was complimenting my on my skill you said I traced it. It was perfect match, yet you watched me draw it free handed. This was the day I gave up drawing. Soon the Instructor introduced Calligraphy.
My artistic nature revived in the art of words, the artistry of Calligraphy and the use of words to convey the message. A painters brush is only useful if the painter knows what to draw. A pen is mightier than the sword, and as beautiful as a rose.
One's loss is another's gain. What I loose I can feel good that another will gain from the loss. I gain the loss too, I can burden my back with more loss if it helps another gain from it. A heavy load but I would never want another to carry it if I can help it. One day the burden will crush me, tis my heart that keeps it light, tis my heart that keeps the weight off me as much as it can.
I don't remember anymore why we ever went separate ways, we were kids then. With recent events maybe I still am. My marriage that I treasured in my heart has crumbled. The saying of protect something too much and you are bound to loose it comes to mind. Maybe i am still a kid in some ways. Maybe I will never grow up, but if I did where would my heart go?
Love is the fruit of sacrifice and Wealth is the Fruit of generosity.
Sacrifice, what is sacrifice but another word. An idea that one puts themselves out to benefit another. As much as I love Lao Tzu I do not see it sacrifice if I can make another happy even if it is for just a brief moment in their existence. How can one not have wealth if they give for the sake of giving, if they just want to see a smile or make someones day. Wealth is truly in the act of giving just to be kind.
I gave you Diamonds, and Jewelry. I gave you a wardrobe of lingerie. Remember when I used to buy everything I thought you would like, and yet really wanted nothing but your happiness. That happiness seems to be without me in your life now, but as long as your happy, and were when we shared a space of your life, then how can I not be wealthy?
I gave you money to help with no wish for it back. Just to help you get back on track to see you smile, and have a change in your day. Do you remember that my friend. Do you remember the time when we moved you?
Let all the other in my life have everything, I will be satisfied if they are happy. If I lost them and they are still happy without me, and found a piece of happiness while I was around, then all was accomplished with that chapter of the book. I remember and that is all that is really needed. If the world forgets me, I will never forget them.
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