Step by step the Doaist walks a circle, planting every step with intent, using muscles not normally used in walking. The retreat to Jade Cove was personal to him. He retreated and became a Daoist to get away from the negative, and the positive. He wanted balance in his life, he was tired of choosing one over the other. As he continued to walk the circle in moving mediation a subject came up. Sick people, mental illness, and perceptions people have. Reality to one, is not reality to another.
Some call me sick, angry, or evil. Here is what I do know, I am a depressed person, I am delusional at times, I am even anxious at times. All things that all people have at some point. Thing is in my reality people are nice to one another, people are kind, and people are giving.
My reality does not exist in today's time though. Why do people expect the worse or see the worse in things. Look around, open your eyes and your will see. The probability of something not going rght or being right is higher than it ever was. A person that sees things as the worse case scenario I do not consider sick or perverse or anything. If I did have to say something about it, I would say they are realistic, they have a high probability of being correct.
The above image is how everyone is in my reality. Plugged into some form of society rule, or religious exponent, or just into what they believe is right. But that is my reality that I see, it is not wrong or right, it just is. Your reality may be different. But I have two realities.
Reality 1 is what I see in the light of day, my interactions with people, my views of them, the questionable deeds they think of or do. The truth is everyone out there has lead me to create the secondary reality. I live there most of the time. It is a much happier reality than the one I physically live on.
In this reality things are happier, I love people, even though I stay away from them. Sometimes the best love, is long distance. It is a reality where the integral safety of my core being can not be hurt, can thrive and can be itself.
It is a place full of love without ever really experiencing love. This is the reality I live in and gives me the ability to open doors for strangers, to entertain people at work, or to write without the emotions clouding and betraying the writing.
A red rose as with the morning dew glistening off it. A sentence like this initiates something inside the reader. Unfortunately for me it is just a language twist, no emotions arise from this, I do not associate it with the typical ideas others do. Ideas of love, beauty, etc. How can I associate it with anything when my secondary reality has a balance, nothing good nothing bad, no light, and no darkness to it.
I am delusional, for a long time I believed I was an angel, but now the delusion has gone away. What am I today. A person that just wants to grow a farm, not deal with the world, and live life with no ill intent. Just a person who wants the secondary reality to become the primary reality.
Next time your at the doctors explain my behavior and they may say DPD or Depersonalization Disorder, but me I am fine with my realities, I am fine with it causing large gaping holes of time where I do not talk to anyone. For the friends that are present understand that is who I am. Why change it, why drug it up, if this reality is better than the current one, why take it away.
Sick I would be called, deranged, lunatic, etc. That is fine by me, call me what you will because in my reality your stilled loved, in my reality nothing can harm me. In my reality no tags are put on people, just actions. In my reality people are not called sick, or twisted, but again they are not called good or evil either. They are just called people. I try to understand their reality, I try to understand their views. But when it comes down to it, I flee back to my reality, where things make more sense. Where people are kind to one another, and gives me the ability to wear my heart on my sleeve without getting hurt.
Well that is all I have today. Lack of sleep, lack of many things at the moment.
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