Catch up *not fully Dao*

Snakes during the winter tend to be sluggish, and not very out going in things. This is how I feel lately. I really do not want to engage in much. I have been thinking about many things lately though. As a snake I posses the innate ability of intellectual thought. So I have really been using it lately to think of current things in my life. Things I am not fully comfortable with, and how to change them.

I have changed some of the elements of people in my life to better present a positive energy flow. However some I am starting to feel are very negative, intellectual but negative. Our conversations are getting even more rare lately.

One must ask why this occurs. With the previous person in my life that was detrimental I understood why it took so long for me to see his negative energies. I see the energy slightly becoming more dark, and more angry around me at certain times, so I suppose I will need to protect my energies from these negatively charged people.

Need to get my next tattoo for my back. A snake, a ba gua, not sure what I want. I know it is going to be costly though.

I suppose I attract negative energy in order to balance my positive energy. That is one way to look at it. I suppose my issue with this is that I try to eradicate the negative out of my life instead of just live with it. I am trying to deal with it, but when it gets to much I will shut down my receptors and just practice what a sage does. A person who knows does not say. A person who says, does not know.

I may not fully understand the Dao nor may I fully understand others, but I am slowly understanding myself. I understand that I get lonely, and even during these times I am glad that I am alive. I am a creature that likes peace and quiet while not at work, and as a result I stay within my own walls to relax.

I understand that I want a lover but not a spouse. I want a mate, but not a wife. I want solitude, but I also crave occasionaly companionship. I understand that right now I am going through a change on the ideas I had in life, and that the change takes time.

Since the beginning of the western new year, I have presented myself with the following changes:
1. Completely new diet.
2. Back to the gym for exercise and training.
3. No Nicotine / Less Caffeine
4. Tai Chi / Meditation time.

Over all I think I am doing well, I still have nicotine urges, but can't stand the smell, I just will power through them at this point. 19 days and doing my best with it. The most Mt. Dew I have in a single day is a 20 oz bottle, and this only occurs on days I work.

The diet consists of the following listed at wiki.
Diet List

I can't lie though some days I just want to give up on everything and everyone. I wish to just allow myself to break down. Then I remember to bend like the reed and let it flow through me and over me. What one can do is not what one must do, and what one must do is not always what one can do.

I will survive through it, I have so far with little help here and little help there. Not like anyone would know if I need to lean harder or need more. It is not my nature to ask for anything, and not my nature to come outside to seek for such assistance.

I generally get to a point where if things get to be too much for me to handle alone I just go to sleep and forget about everything.

Sleep is the amazing neutralizer of all things.