Love the dark, and things in the dark. I missed it the last 8 years. Shortly after I left high school, I went on a path that was not destined to be mine, I took a side step. Many of them at that.
Circle of life, circle of death, circle of destiny, circle of love, circle of hate, circles so many circles. Poetically beautiful, and ironically true. Things go round and round, what goes around comes around, what you do will come back to you. All a concept of being a circle.
What we come from we return to. Where we left, we return. Continue turning right and you will return to the starting point. Welcome to Geometry 101, lets go over some basic elements shall we. Name your shapes in Geometry. Circle, Square, Triangle, Rhombus, Rectangle, and LINE. Line. Shortest distance between two point is a line, but not so in quantum physics.
Most people think linear, or in lines. This does not work for me. If all things created are done in cycles and circles, then how can a line truly comprehend the elegance of things. The earth goes around the sun, spins around in a circles on an axis, making the sun appear as if it is circling the Earth. Cycles and circles, circles and cycles, where is the line in that.
You wake, you sleep, you wake. A cycle of sleep, until you die and sleep forever, but that is a cycle of death. A circle with in a circle. All circles contained in another circle. A circle of healing used in acupuncture. Is it odd that things occur in cycles and in circles. What is the shortest point between 2 points?
Going through life and reflecting like I have been doing this whole time. I realize that I have traveled a rotation in the circle. I have come full circle. It is inevitable that people come full circle, it is inevitable that you are born with your mother around, but die for the most part alone during the last hour. Even if your not alone, you are still alone in the concepts of the mind, in the last hour of life the mind feels alone, but not a bad alone, a reflective alone. Alone to think of all the good times in your life, and all the accomplishments.
Though the reflection I realize what has occurred. I realize some of the things I did, I did for a reason, some were part of the setup of the cycle. Some were preparations of preparing for the downward fall of the circle, to help work upward to the beginning again.
Things that made me feel comfortable, or protected, were things most people do not think of. My Duster (trench Coat) is like a safety blanket to a child, my rock music, my games of fantasy, and the 4 walls I rarely venture out of. Not being around strangers or where strangers can be idiots to get attention, or harass me, I am alright for the most part.
Surprised I did not get more flack for wearing the Duster to work today. New shift tomorrow, doubt there will be much said.
It is a full circle though with little differences that I can see. I am to the point where trying to find another companion is a waste of energy, it is a waste of time. That is what I tell myself, but in actuality there is more, I do not feel like putting myself into an uncomfortable position with a strange female, and put those masks back on.
I hate the mask, I hate getting the fake face of being happy when really I am uncomfortable. I hate the mask of trying to look comfortable when out in public when in reality I try to avoid going out. I like the world, but hate how people truly are. They lie, steal, cheat, and treat others very rude. I dislike that, at least in the confines of my own little apartment I do not have to deal with many of them. Just the rude neighbors.
Same as I felt many years ago. I broke out of it, and once more I return full circle to where I was. Without a companion, without a care on society, with some friends that understand I rarely contact them, but do care about them, and live with disgust toward society, toward the majority of people. I am nice any chance I get to strangers, but I do not go out of my way to see strangers, when I leave my walls I quickly return.
Funny that is how I was back then, and that is how I am now. Difference though is now that I have experienced marriage, and divorce I have lived it all, and realized I did not like that situation. The best way to prevent a situation is to avoid it at all costs. What better way but to avoid the world, and communicate through something I really love.... Writing.
Talk about full circle, I used to write all the time, for 8 years the world lost my writings, and now once more they came back.
Stop thinking linear, as your life is circular, a cycle, and will rotate around and around. Each rotation presenting slight differences.
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