Simple Times

1 Year ago my life got twisted and deformed, changed from what I knew. A life where I fought so hard to have, yet it was so easy for the other person to walk away from. That was 1 year ago. Now it is times of simple things. Small things to bring happiness.



Looking back I can not really say I was happy during the 10 years I was in that life. I was a typical person. I went to work, bought my wife presents, raised her child as my own, and strived to obtain the normal suburbian living.



Back then I put aside all my joys and became a person I was never supposed to be due to what I believed was love. I cut my hair, did whatever I was told, quit reading my phylosophy books, and stopped pretty much my religious activities.



Now that my world was twisted and ripped away and time has passed, I felt like letting the parts of my younger self out, the parts I buried during my marriage. Parts that were excited to be free after the divorce.



1 Year ago I had short hair, no I have hair I can put into a old Japanese or chinese pony tail. 1 year ago I was weak, frail, and skinny, now i have muscle tone, muscle mass, and feel 20 times better. 1 Year ago I was sad, and did not know where I fit in the world. Now I just look at the simple things, and decided I am happy just to exist in this world.



1 year ago I always had that annoying voice telling me what to do, today I do what is right by myself, no annoying voice thinking they know what is best telling me what to do. I never owned my own furniture until now, never really managed my finances for savings and stuff until now.



Simple things like watching my anime, sitting out on the balcony and smoking a cig while watching the squirrels, cats, and birds play in the court yard. Simple things like raquetball games with my nephew. These are the simple times that make me exist. Times of little stress, times of taking care of myself.



A path that is being walked alone. Do I want to be alone, do I want a female companion again? I have decided that I do not care either way. It is not crucial that I have one, but it would be nice if I did, one that could at least attempt to understand my twisting mind. I don't mean that in a bad way either. My mind thinks in quantum aspects not linear. So it can be difficult for a normal person to understand me at times. Especially those I get close too.



As a general rule I act lower intellectually on a day to day bases. Keeping my thoughts to myself, keeping my own emotions in check, and generally enjoying time in the solice of silence or music. But rarely has anyone really tried to understand me, try to unravel my intellect. It is ok, that is why I do this. If people found out about my real intellect they would try to: take advantage of me, want me to do more for them, or try to destroy me out of jealousy.



Musashi states that you should have resolve. I think I will write about resolve in a different post, as I can go into great depths about it. I think I found my resolve in the aspects of my old life. I am resolved not to live it again, not to miss it, and to try to forget it.



I have my long hair and it is growing longer, I have my own rules, I have my quiet, and I have my simple times. If the cards deal me a decent woman, I would not fight it, but I am not going to do what I used to for females to get them to be with me either. I came in the world alone, I can live it alone for the most part. I will show everyone that I am a survivor, I can stand on my own feet, I need no anchor anymore. I live in the night and using the night I will stand up.